Revisiting childhood

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Do you ever have an experience which reminds you of your childhood? I recently remembered being five years old and telling my mom I was running away. I packed up my bag and sat on the curb for a few minutes contemplating where I would go. Even as a child I recall being fiercely independent and straightforward about my intentions, until I realized as I sat there by the road, that unless I was willing to sleep outside, the only option I had was to return. I cannot even admit how many times I have relived this scenario, even as an adult in my toxic marriage. It wasn’t until today I realized that while I wanted to be independent I also wanted my mother to say, “You don’t need to go.” Because for some reason it always felt necessary. Yet to my mother I continued to return, even though she was emotionally absent. I cried tonight about this old pattern of mine. I think of my own children,wondering if they too have considered running away yet feel this obligation to stay. What I do know looking back the Lord was as there with the little girl on the curb. The teenager who ran away from Dads, He was there, chasing me with a love so grand, so all consuming, He brings all to light which lingered in darkness and banishes it with Truth. He says, “I have loved you with an everlasting love.” Jeremiah 31:3 Thank You Jesus!!

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